Tony Barrett: John Terry’s logic is a no brainer

LOGIC John Terry style.

Step one: Go into the first leg of a European tie knowing that a booking would rule you out of the second leg.

Step two: Launch yourself head first at Liverpool keeper Pepe Reina, hurtling through the air at speed before connecting with the Spaniard’s ribs after he has already collected the ball.

Step three: Receive one of the season’s more obvious yellow cards from a referee who realises football has moved on from the days when keepers were treated like rugby league tackle bags.

Step four: Rail at the injustice of it all, mouth off at international team mate Steven Gerrard who rightly dismisses such claims of unfairness with a mouthful of Scouse invective.

Step five: Chelsea record a notable 3-1 win which puts them within touching distance of the semi-final, making Terry’s suspension as timely as it is possible to get at this stage of the competition.

Step six: Dismiss step five, give a post-match interview in which you blame Liverpool’s players for getting you booked despite replays proving that your head undoubtedly made contact with Reina’s chest in a particularly reckless challenge which brought back memories of He-Man's cartoon mate Ram Man.

Step seven: Claim the injustice is as bad as the one which befell Xabi Alonso four years ago when an Eidur Gudjohnsen dive brought the midfielder a booking which ruled him out of one of the most glorious nights in Liverpool’s history.

With brain power like this it is little surprise that Terry was once fined two weeks wages by Chelsea for drunkenly taunting grieving American tourists in the aftermath of September 11.

He may be a good centre half but Socrates he ain’t.

Google Earth mocks John Terry

Google Earth’s 3D mapping feature is great, but only really useful for those who wish to check which cars were outside their house on the day the cameras drove past, or those who are planning a robbery. The Google eggheads, however, have finally harnessed their software in a way we can all enjoy.

When Stamford Bridge was originally modelled, the gigantic screen depicted a classic JT and Lampsie post goal hug-out. Now, however, it has been replaced with an image of a tearful man being consoled in the rain after failing to convert a penalty.

Unprofessional Foul

John Terry Wants To Use Moscow Pain To Spur Chelsea To Champions League Glory

Chelsea skipper John Terry has revealed that he still feels the pain of the Blues' shoot-out defeat to Manchester United in last year's Champions League final, and has stated that the only way he can ever ease that Moscow agony is to win the trophy this year.

"Obviously, I'm very determined to go the extra step this year and win the trophy," he explained to reporters at a pre-match press conference yesterday.

"That burning that I suffered last year will live with me forever, there's no doubt about that.

"But the way I can make that pain ease a little bit is to win this trophy. And with the manager and with the team we've got at the moment we've got a great chance to do that."

READ THE REST HERE..

TERRY: STEVIE G rise strikes fear into Chelsea

John Terry is not normally scared of anything, with the possible exception of his mother making any more shopping trips, so it is a mark of his respect for Steven Gerrard and Liverpool when he acknowledges that Wednesday's Champions League visit to Anfield is a daunting prospect. And in a frank interview, Terry told the Daily Star Sunday: “This is probably the worst time to be facing Gerrard.

"Gerrard is definitely one of the best players in the world, that's for sure, and he's in great form at the minute," the Chelsea and England captain said. "To be honest I'm dreading going there to play him because he is different class. Liverpool have got a great backbone with [José] Reina, [Jamie] Carragher, Stevie G and [Fernando] Torres. What a spine that is, but Stevie is the heartbeat of the team, similar to the way Frank Lampard is with Chelsea. It's going to be a big clash but we're thoroughly looking forward to it."

This is a fixture becoming as much of a Champions League tradition as the familiarly naff theme music or Sir Alex Ferguson moaning about the way the following weekend's games never do Manchester United any favours, yet it is a meeting between fierce rivals that has altered subtly in the past season or two. More people are looking forward to it now, there is less talk of anti-football or malodorous matter on the end of a stick. Chelsea's renewed confidence under Guus Hiddink has something to do with that but Terry is right to suggest the Liverpool revival, with Gerrard at its heart, has been the one that has made everyone re-evaluate their assumptions about where the season's prizes will end up.