Since Chelsea can’t seem to settle on a man to take over as the club’s manager for next season, Roman Abramovich came up with the novel idea of having a “Blind Date” style game show deep in the bowels of Stamford Bridge to finally decide who will be given the job. Abramovich and Peter Kenyon sat on one side of a partition, while the three candidates were on the other. The following is a transcript of the show, which was filmed before a live studio audience of intimidating bodyguards.
Pink Jacket: Hello and welcome to Roman Abramovich’s Chelsea Manager Blind Date. Mr. Abramovich will ask our three candidates a series of questions and based off their answers, he will choose which one he would like to lead Chelsea for at least the first few months of next season. So, without further ado, let’s get started. Mr. Abramovich?
Kenyon: (Abramovich whispers in his ear) Candidate #1, if you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?
Candidate #1: Eh…what is going on here? I don’t know where I am.
Kenyon: (Abramovich whispers) Ok. Candidate #2, same question.
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