Roman Abramovich: Blind date

Since Chelsea can’t seem to settle on a man to take over as the club’s manager for next season, Roman Abramovich came up with the novel idea of having a “Blind Date” style game show deep in the bowels of Stamford Bridge to finally decide who will be given the job. Abramovich and Peter Kenyon sat on one side of a partition, while the three candidates were on the other. The following is a transcript of the show, which was filmed before a live studio audience of intimidating bodyguards.

Pink Jacket: Hello and welcome to Roman Abramovich’s Chelsea Manager Blind Date. Mr. Abramovich will ask our three candidates a series of questions and based off their answers, he will choose which one he would like to lead Chelsea for at least the first few months of next season. So, without further ado, let’s get started. Mr. Abramovich?

Kenyon: (Abramovich whispers in his ear) Candidate #1, if you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?

Candidate #1: Eh…what is going on here? I don’t know where I am.

Kenyon: (Abramovich whispers) Ok. Candidate #2, same question.

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Six Czech Republic stars indefinitely suspended following prostitute scandal

The shit really seems to be hitting the fan in Czech football at the moment. National manager of only eight games Petr Rada was sacked yesterday, following a 2-1 defeat to neighbouring Slovakia that has put their World Cup Qualification plans into jeopardy.

“Because of the current environment in the Federation and the media, I don’t want to represent the country anymore,” said Rada, clearly not realising that he did not have a say in the matter.

Rada’s ungracious exit was not helped by the extracurricular activities of his players. Following the Slovakia defeat, six Czech players were photographed entering a restaurant by Czech tabloid Blesk. Shortly after, a taxi pulled up, containing three ladies of the night. The party were snapped leaving the restaurant at 6.30 the following morning.

The shamed footballers are Atletico Madrid defender Tomas Ujfalusi, West Ham’s Radoslav Kovac, Reading midfielder Marek Matejovsky, Martin Fenin (Eintracht Frankfurt), Vaclav Sverkos (Sochaux) and former Liverpool star Milan Baros. All six have been indefinitely suspended from the national team.

Fenin protested his innocence by claiming “The lady was an acquaintance,” in the Czech press, and Ujfalusi has announced his retirement from international football, citing the Czech Football Federation and the critical media.

The replacement coach may have the choice to reinstate the players for their next international match in June, but it looks likely that he will have to build an entirely new team.

Inter Boss Jose Mourinho Compares Himself To Jesus Christ

Inter coach Jose Mourinho certainly has a penchant for making controversial statements, and his latest will no doubt spark many discussions around the water cooler. The former Chelsea tactician appeared on the Italia 1 program 'Chiambretti Night', discussing his exploits with Inter this season. "Training Inter, I feel like Robin Hood. Even Jesus Christ wasn't liked by everyone. What hope is there for me?" he asked the host of the show. "It doesn't bother me if people hate me. The Interisti know the job I do for them." What a poor Jose!

Goal.com

Liverpool bag Player and Manager of the Month double for March

Liverpool skipper Steven Gerrard and manager Rafa Benitez have landed the Barclays Player and Manager of the Month awards for Match.

Gerrard has become the first player to win his award for the fifth time after starring in emphatic wins over title rivals Manchester United and high-flying Aston Villa.

Gerrard was at his inspirational best over the course of the month, setting up David Ngog’s opener in the 2-0 win against Sunderland, before scoring in the 4-1 victory away at Old Trafford, which gave the Reds’ Barclays Premier League title challenge fresh impetus. Gerrard rounded off the month by netting a hat-trick in the 5-0 victory over Aston Villa at Anfield.

Benitez picks up the managerial award for the fifth time in his fifth season at the club. He joins only seven other managers to have won the award on five or more occasions, and is the only manager to have picked up the honour twice this season, having also won the award in October 2008.

mirror.co.uk

Eriksson sacked by Mexico

Sven Goran Eriksson has been sacked as manager of Mexico - less than a year after taking the job. Directors from the Mexican Football Federation (FMF) were set to discuss Eriksson's future at a meeting on Friday but later decided to hold a press conference on Thursday. The FMF has decided to take swift action following Mexico's disappointing 3-1 defeat to Honduras in midweek.

Mexico have won all their home games under Eriksson but have been in miserable form on their travels and are struggling in the CONCACAF World Cup qualifying section.

Sport.co.uk